The Curse of the Strong Woman

I had a great visit and an awesome chat with my friend D the other day. I hadn’t seen her in a couple of years and it felt so good that we could pick up where we left off and engage in a conversation of worth.

I am one of those women that some perceive as tough and strong. I am also one of those women who will be there for you when you need me. Provide a shoulder to cry on, a hug when you need it, a little pick me up when you’re down. I’m a loyal friend to a fault. I’m generous to those I love and put myself out there in any way that you may need me if you grace my circle.

So, it comes much to my surprise that when I need someone the most, there is no one. In my desperate struggles to adjust to the major changes in my life, I’ve heard from no one. Yes, initially everyone was clamoring to see the new precious bundle of love that we brought into this world, but what about now?

I do understand that everyone is busy, have their own issues they need to deal with, etc. – but if you can’t take ONE day every couple of weeks or even ONE day a month to spend some time with a friend who may or may not need you – what does that say about you? The value of your friend? The value of the relationship? What does that say to ME?

Here I am, five months into my new life and I can’t help but to feel abandoned. I feel dumped by my so-called friends and family. As I explain this to D, she said it was “The Curse of the Strong Woman. When you’re perceived as strong, no one thinks you need help. If you did you’d ask right?” Nothing is further from the truth. Although I do put up that ‘tough’ exterior, inside I’m sensitive and emotional. My feelings are easily hurt. It’s one of the hardest things for everyone to show how vulnerable they really are but even more so for someone who is ‘strong’. The same goes for asking for help. I feel like I’m begging. But I also feel that if I can SEE you hurting and you need me, why can’t you do the same for me? Why can’t you SEE me like I SEE you?

Our conversation also had me thinking of that saying ~ “People come into your life for a season, reason or a lifetime”. Looking back on my experiences through the years, this does seem to be a true statement. But how do you identify and pick those ‘lifetime’ friends? I guess only time will tell and I’m hesitant to start pulling what I think are weeds in my friendship garden at this point.

I agree with D that as we get older, we start to cherish those special lifetime friendships more and want to surround ourselves with people who love us as just as much as we love them. I am so thankful that D & I were finally able to spend some time together. I really missed her and it felt great that she allowed me to bare my soul to her and to be that ear for me, the tissue box provider that I needed at that moment.

If you have friends that you perceive as ‘strong’ don’t think that there’s nothing you can do for them. There is. Take the time to SEE them. TALK to them – not just about the day-to-day things. Really talk. Be there as they are for you, even if they don’t ask. Let them know that you care, that you have the time. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it and they’ll realize how much they mean to you as you mean to them.